Everyone has great days right? But to know beyond a doubt that you are experiencing the greatest day of your life, to be able to savor every minute of it, is pretty cool. This happened last Thursday when I spent the day with Jackson. For the first time in his life he was a happy, content, relaxed baby. He was everything we hoped he would become - but feared so badly that he never would. He was just like his brother and sister, he was so "normal" that it felt strange!!
When you are in the mist of such an intense battle it's easy to forget the small - yet important - details but they find their way back to you. On Thursday I was able to reach into J's crib and pick him up. Yea I know mom's do that everyday right? We don't. We haven't been able to do that since the day after Thanksgiving. For the first time I could pick him up, hold him, play with him, KISS HIS BEAUTIFUL FACE! The small things that we have not had these last few months and when they started happening on Thursday I realized how badly my heart had longed for those moments. Even though the trach is a sacrifice we are already being given so much in return. God is giving us the gift of getting our son back! We no longer have to stand on the sidelines while a nurse cares for him, we no longer have to sit perfectly still while two nurses work to get him in our arms and then hope he can tolerate being held.... we no longer have to watch him pass his days contained to a crib....and so much more.
Like I have said before J gets a firm grip on anything he can grab and last week it was my finger. When I assumed he had fallen asleep I started to pull my hand away and he gripped even harder and gave me a little smile. I said "Ok my love, I hear you, let's hold hands for as long as you want." I think we both needed it!!
